~Asked by Anonymous
I’ve had sexual performance anxiety before and it really is incredibly frustrating. Fortunately for me, I don’t really have any anxiety anymore. I’ve found that exploring myself really helped me to understand what I did and didn’t like. I would then use that knowledge to lead my partners in bed. It also helps having a little practice with people. It teaches you to be more assertive about what you’re interested in. This advice is what I did and it helped!
Hopefully this will help you too! Good luck!!
~Jake
~Asked by Anonymous
“Why? Are you planning on asking me out on a date? Hahahaha”
I am still trying hard to figure out my sexuality, whether I like both male and female while at the same time few of my girl classmates keep on asking me if I am gay or not. I said no every time(but indeed it’s yes) because I wouldn’t want any of them to know as the rumor will spread and everything I have with all my classmates will change dramatically. I am not sure whether I look or act too obvious as a gay guy or what but somehow an obviously gay new classmate told them he think I am gay too. Although I did a good job hiding my sexuality among my straight guy friends who I stick to a lot, I can’t stop thinking that one day they all might know my secret. I couldn’t afford so and I really don’t have anyone to talk to other than you guys. It aches me badly to think that deep down every straight guy is a homophobe.
__________________________________________________
Straight guys being homophobic is something that’s always in the back of a gay man’s mind. Especially if you’re close to a few of them. In my opinion, go up to your straight friends and nonchalantly ask how they view gay rights and marriage equality. Start a debate with them to weed out how they feel. Given their answers, you’ll be able to determine if they’re ready to accept your sexuality. There might be a chance that they already know, but are waiting for you to come out to them (which would make them good friends because they aren’t pressuring you). If they’re your true friends, they’ll accept you no matter what. Just stay the awesome you and everything will work out the way it was meant to.
Good luck and I hope this helps!
~Jake
~Asked by Anonymous
In times like these where there is no clear answer, it’s always best to just confront and ask. Sit him down and just ask him what having sex meant to him. Be prepared to hear something that may not make you happy. I think most of the annoyance is coming from the fact that you feel in the dark.If he goes on about how “hot” his girlfriends are, something tells me he might be questioning, but isn’t ready to come to terms with his sexuality, whatever it may be.
Try not to force it out of him because he’ll get upset. Just ask him the questions you asked me and be prepared for any answer. And when he answers, accept that as final. This is probably the most important bit of this advice.
Good luck and I hope this helps!
~Jake
a few months ago one of my roommates saw me in the shower and he said he got turned on by it. im gay and ive had a crush on him so now we’re dating. we really like to touch/kiss/cuddle and other affectionate things but we have roommates that dont know we’re gay. i really want to make love to him but we dont have much privacy. are we taking it too fast? should we tell our roommates..?
________________________________________________________
In my opinion, as long as both people are involved, there’s no such thing as “taking it too fast”. As for telling your roommates about you guys, it’s completely up to you. It depends on how the roommates view that sort of thing. I assume that you’re open to them and they don’t really have a problem with it. If you guys feel like it’s necessary to let them know, then by all means tell them. But it’s honestly up to you. In regards to making love to your guy, you can try and plan a time when all the roommates are out. And if that doesn’t work, you can always confront them and ask that they leave the place for a couple of hours while you “take care of some stuff”. Usually roommates are pretty cool about that stuff.
Good luck and I hope this helps!
~Jake
Hello,
My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year, and made it official this January. While everyone within our department at our college knows, my friends from home, and my family; his friends do not. Even the ones that go to our college don’t know yet. In December his mother found out while going through his phone. He is 20 years old. In high school there were more openly gay men that were his friends, yet he didn’t come out. He told me he wouldn’t make me his dirty little secret, but that’s how I feel. He says he doesn’t feel ready to come out to his friends, and talk to his mother who now cannot trust me apparently. While doing so he gets so paranoid about it. I have to watch what I do and say on social networking and around certain people. I have such strong feelings for him, we are each other’s first out relationship and he treats me amazingly in private. I just feel like I am left out of his life, I don’t get to talk to him like others do on social networking or he gets paranoid and mad. I do not know what to do, I want to help him realize how much happier he would be if he came out. He is having a hard time, he never considered coming out before me, but it is taking a long time. I just want some sense of normalcy in our relationship. What should I do?
________________________________________________
Quite honestly, there isn’t much that you can do. It’s not your place to rush him out of the closet. It will only cause resentment, trust me. The best thing you can do is be understanding, patient, and there for him when he needs it. He treats you amazing when you guys are alone so that should tell you how much he really adores you. If someone treats you well in public, but not in private, then you know there’s an issue with your relationship. Just be patient and he’ll love you even more for it. It’ll even help him if you communicate that you’re willing to wait and be patient with him.
Good luck and I hope this helps!
~Jake
I am 15 and i am gay i just came out to my closest friend and i am comfortable with who i am but to not get bullied i dont want to go fully public with this. i feel very lonely seeing other guys with girl friends and especially my guy friends asking me when im going to get a girlfriend makes me uncomfortable. the good part is there is this one guy in our school that went public with this and ive had a crush on him for two years but the thing is i embarass myself by doing somthing stupid whenever i see him so i think he thinks im really weird but we never really talked much. i really like him and i have no idea what to do!!!!
__________________________________________________
It sounds like you’re a fairly personable guy. Just go up and talk to him. If you’ve had a crush on him for 2 years, you must have found out at least a couple of things he’s interested in. Figure out which ones you guys share and start off mentioning that you’re interested in it. The conversation will go from there. Take it slow, act like you’re making friends. Don’t put too much weight on it because then you’ll over analyze. And if you do something weird in front of him, say something playfully flirty like, “Ooh! You just make me so nervous…” Play it off and he’ll think you’re charming!
Good luck and I hope this helps!
~Jake
~Asked by Anonymous
Reporting her is probably the best thing for her. It sounds like you’re being a good friend. Continue being supportive and consider taking her to support groups that deal with these issues. Also, you don’t need to be doing this alone. Bring in family and friends that are concerned with her well-being.
~Jake
~Asked by Anonymous
I understand where you’d want to know if your best friend from school is gay. However, it really is only the business of that person and the person they’re interested in.
Also, I would advise that you don’t “congratulate” him on being gay because gay just is. By congratulating, you might offend him or make him feel like he stands out for something that should be completely ordinary.
~Jake
